yet another sleepless nite. i wonder wat is my body made of. i still run and function as normal and still play games hard. i eating a bit less . i know i should eat more. my weight now is only 52.5kg. instead of 55kg when i start this nursing course. i lost quite a bit in this 2 months. sometimes i eat a lot sometimes i don feel hungry. it is a weird feeling. girls is so complex i will nv really understand.

at 4am my good friend my came and drive me to a nearby coffeeshop had a chat. she could not sleep same as me but she got other problems. then she started to smoke why i like since when she say since she was 20. i like wow i know you since i am 17 yet i nv knew. i hope her life will be better. she told me it is normal to feel this kind of pain and i will feel this pain for at least 1 yr. it is pretty long. i don want to think about it but nites that i can sleep i dreamt about her.
this is really a weird feeling.

jl friends commented about me in her blog. i think it is not fair for them to comment since they don know wat is happening between us. if she is really understanding she will not ask her to go aust for her graduation. she don have much savings and unlike the lucky girl whose parents willing to pay money to send her to uni and buy a car for her. i wonder does she have theory of mind ?
then again if i say that she will just say i am sour grapes or watever. jean reply my sms at 3.30am she say if i love her i will not do all this to hurt her. i wanted to tell her if she love me she will not choose to leave me at this point of time when i need someone by my side. then again love is not something you can force . i suspect the feeling between us has disappear in place is only confusion, hatred and misunderstanding. do i still love her ? i don know i only know i wanted her so much to talk to me and smile at me and have a nice chat. even as friends we could do all this. why must you deny me.
if giving you space is to ignore you i will nv understand this.
or is it you choose to do this now rather than later so there is lesser pain.

i better get shower and changed.
i still got a job to do and things to do. negative emotions i must not bring to work. i throw to this blog and will think about it after work i guess.